michelle

有時候覺得，部落格冷清，反而是讓自己更加自在，隨興記錄或揮灑的不錯時機。

今天想要繼續將村上這本《剌殺騎士團長》的中英版，我喜歡的部分記錄這兒：

在《刺殺騎士團長》的第二章節中，有某些段落，看得我凝神。村上春樹總是能以乍讀平淡，其實不然的細緻微妙的功力，讓讀者彷佛置身其境。接著，又會被往下的情節帶進更深刻的地方。

生命的過程中，我們有很多方面的失去。
特別是一些已無法重返再現的情感摰愛。
以為時間會沖淡傷痛不捨，但記憶這東西，卻又不定時的讓我們頓時沉浸不已。

縱然，人生中這麼多的「為什麼」，最後總是在「無解」的路上，苦追枉然失效。
可是，上蒼的巧妙安排，卻又總在我們願意接受種種難受後，有了新的視野和心態。讓「失去」變得不那麼憂鬱，而是能從中「獲得」了什麼。那些「什麼」領著我們朝向「勇敢」的那方敞開。

以下記録我個人感受很深的部分：

The first time I met my wife was just before I turned thirty. She was three years younger than me. ......

She wasn’t exactly a standout in terms of looks. There wasn’t anything at all wrong with her appearance, but neither was there anything about her that would turn any heads. She had long eyelashes, a thin nose , was on the small side, and her hair, which fell to her shoulder blades, was beautifully styled.(She was very particular about her hair.) On the right side of her full lips was a small mole, which moved in marvelous ways wherever her expression changed. It lent her a slightly sensual air, but again this was only if you paid close attention. Most people would see the girl I was going out with at the time as far more beautiful. But even so, one look was all it took for me to fall for her, like I’d been struck by lightning. Why? I wondered. It took a few weeks for me to figure out the reason. But then it suddenly hit me. She reminded me of my younger sister, who had died. Reminded me very clearly of her.

我第一次遇見妻，是將近三十歲時。她比我小三歲。........... 她的容貌並不特別出色。沒看到明顯的缺點，也不特別招眼。睫毛長長，鼻子細細，個子算小，長到肩胛骨一帶的頭髮修剪得很美（她很用心照顧頭髮）。豐滿的嘴唇接近右端有顆小痣，因為表情的變化而會奇妙的移位。這種地方會微微給人性感的印象，不過那也只是「注意看才看得見」的程度。如果平常地看，反而是我當時交往的女朋友要漂亮多了。然而我只看了一眼，就突然像被雷打中了似的、心被她奪走了。為什麼呢？我花了幾個星期思考原因，但有一天我忽然想到了。她，讓我想起死去的妹妹，非常明顯。

My sister had also been three years younger than me, and had a congenital heart valve problem.........In the end, she died when I was fifteen. She’d just entered junior high. All her short life she’d battled those genetic defects, but never failed to be anything other than positive and upbeat. Until the very end she never grumbled or complained, and always made detailed plans for the future..........
She had a strong will, and always stuck to whatever she decided to do, no matter what..................At the end she was terribly thin and drawn, yet her eyes remained animated, and she was still full of life.

妺妹也小我三歲，天生心臟瓣膜就有問題。..............結果妹妹在我十五歲時去世，才剛上初中。在短暫的人生中，妹妹持續不停地和那遺傳上的缺陷戰爭鬥，雖然如此她並沒有失去積極開朗的性格。在她的計劃中並沒有包含自己會死這件事。..........她意志堅強，決定的事總是堅持到底。.....她最後身體變得很瘦，只有眼睛依然不變還水汪汪的，充滿生命力。

It was my wife’s eyes,too, that drew me to her. Something I could see deep in them. When I first saw those eyes, they jolted me. Not that I was thinking that by making her mine I could restore my dead sister or anything. Even if I’d wanted to, I could imagine the only thing that would lead to was despair. What I wanted, or needed, was the spark of that positive well. That definite source of warmth needed to live. It was something I knew very well, but that was, most likely, missing in me.

我被妻子吸引也正是因為她的眼睛，眼睛深處可以看到什麼。那一對眼珠，我從第一次見到時，心就強烈動搖了。話雖如此，我並沒有想到藉著得到她，來讓死去的妹妹復活。我也可以想像到，這種冀求終究是會失望的。我所追求的，或需要的，是那種積極向上的意志的光輝。為了活下去所需的確實熱源般的東西。那對我來說，本來是熟悉的東西，同時可能也是我所缺乏的東西。